Stop doing this to yourself!

Baby Step 31 to Fall into Better Habits

At some point in your life, you’ve done this (whether or not you care to admit it). Some of us have done it more than others. Some of us do it daily.

Some of us have been on the giving end. Some of us have been on the receiving end. What is it?

It’s when we’re trying waaaaaay to hard to impress someone…whether it’s a first date or a critical boss or a disinterested teenager.

It’s when we’re trying even harder to convince someone to acknowledge us, to include us, to see things our way.

It’s when we’re trying ridiculously hard to feel loved, to feel appreciated, to feel accepted.

It’s something that is as old as time itself. Yup. It’s the ancient art of people-pleasing.

(#do you really want to do it?) image courtesy of Google

Whoa, now. Don’t ruffle your feathers. Let’s regroup for a second.

Since the dawn of time, people have sought attention from others. Hollywood thrives on it. After all, they (who are they?) say there’s no such thing as bad publicity…it’s just publicity. Craving attention works the same way. When you (sometimes desperately) need it, you don’t care how you get it as long as your needs are met. This scenario also applies to giving attention to your fellow humans whom you assume desperately need it.

I know you think you’re the exception to the rule and that you’re immune to wanting to be the center of someone’s attention, even if just for a moment. But, if you’re human (and not some AI version of your former self like everything else these days) then we’ve all felt this way at one time or another.

It’s okay. I’m not poking the sore spot to get a rise out of you. We’re on this journey together to release habits that no longer serve us…remember? And, people-pleasing is a draining habit that has to GO.

Allow me to clarify…

When you do something for someone you love and it brings you fulfillment with NO anticipation of their response and without ANY expectation in return – whether it’s expecting gratitude, love, forgiveness, affection – then that is the pleasure of genuine giving.

On the other hand, when you do something to meet their (mostly demanding and never-ending) needs in order to fulfill your own need of feeling like the hero, then that’s not pleasure…that’s pleasing.

In other words, does it make you feel happy or crappy?

(#happy or crappy?) image courtesy of Unsplash

So, for today’s Baby Step, let’s consider these two questions:

Where am I doing this in my relationships right now?

• Hint: You’ll know because it doesn’t bring a smile to your face or warmth to your heart. Also, it was most likely not the outcome you intended…you know, the Hallmark movie version in your head.

What are my needs?

• Hint: Taking care of your own needs will require you to stop sacrificing and start enjoying the precious time you have left here on Earth. If you’re worried that your relationships may suffer because you’ve decided to make this massive change, then ease into it:

-Take Baby Steps.

-Pause and think before you respond.

-Instead of saying “no” all the time, sprinkle it in amongst the ten billion times you automatically say “yes” to them.

Because when you automatically say “yes” all the time, you are acting from a habit and not your heart.

That’s exactly what this challenge is for. We’re all working together toward a more fulfilling life. And you can’t feel fulfilled if you're not filling your own cup, too. Because when you consistently say “yes” to them, then you automatically are saying “no” to yourself. Not fun.

So, the most important fact I want you to remember is this:

The people we are trying to please won’t always be around. But we have to live with ourselves forever.

Next, go check your inbox for today's affirmation. Then watch the video HERE.

PS We began this series in September of 2023. You haven’t missed out! Find the tips and techniques used in this series, plus bonus material, in a downloadable format where you can track your progress. Find out more about it HERE.