How to be in the BEST relationship

Video transcript plus Baby Step:

Hey there! I’m on my morning walk right now and I had a thought. Rather than wait till I get home, I thought I'd share it now. So if you hear noises in the background, it's mowing day…my favorite day because it smells so good and fresh and everything looks great. Anyway, here's what I was thinking about.

Sometimes...Well, who are we kidding? Let's face it, a lot of times things don't work out the way we plan and it’s disheartening and very disappointing, unless you choose to see it in a different way. And that's my hope for today.

Sometimes we have a relationship and it's not the way it used to be.

We're accustomed to having more harmony or more time together, or more meaningful conversations with this person. It's just not that way anymore. And a lot of times, the first question we ask is: Why is it like this now? Why have things changed?

And then a follow-up would be: What did I do wrong? Because those of us who are ruled by the planet Guilt normally ask this question and you wonder: Why are things not the way they used to be and what role did I play in it? Because, of course, we all have a hand in whatever we've done to create the situation we have right now. But let's not forget that the other person played a big part in that, too.

So, it's not just us. But if it helps you any, here's my theory, and this is what I am choosing to believe moving forward…

There's this song that my daughter used to listen to back when she was in high school, so I don't remember the exact words. It was something like this: the singer was talking about how they had a relationship and they broke up and they then referred to the person they broke up with as “someone that they used to know.” Because they said that’s what their ex did – they kind of pretended like they didn't know them anymore or they, you know, just cut the other person out of their life completely.

And though most of our relationships, thankfully, don't end that drastically, a lot of times they shift and we need to take on a new role in that relationship. And we have to realize that, you know, we are someone they used to know and. And we have to also realize that they are someone we used to know because we're looking at them the way we've seen them before instead of how they are now.

I know this has happened to me and probably you, too. When you saw a person for the last time when they were a child and then you see them again, and they're an adult. And you're like, “Oh my God! The last time I saw you, you were this little!”

And in your mind, you kept them that way even though you know 20 years have gone by since you've seen them and that you intellectually understand that an adult will be standing in front of you the next time you see them. But, emotionally, we keep them little in our minds. We keep them the way we saw them. It's like we take them and preserve them in a treasure box and keep them that way always. And there's nothing wrong with keeping someone in a treasure box. The only trouble with that is this:

We refuse to acknowledge them for WHO they are now and AS they are now.

We're not stepping up and meeting them in the space they're currently in.

My philosophy is to hold them in your heart. Always keep the memories there, but there's no reason to bring it up every three seconds when you see them. There's no reason to look at them and wonder: Where did it all go wrong? Why don't we do the things we used to do? Because doing that is just an endless cycle of suffering. And as we all know by now…

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

(#as is) Image created by Deb Plotkin

BABY STEP

So, rather than put ourselves through this endless cycle of suffering, why not say this?

I love them. I appreciate all the memories we've had together. I enjoyed all of our time together (and, let's not forget there were some less than joyful times, too!). I’m going to see them now as they are and meet them with a loving and open heart then, unconditionally give them that love despite what's gone on before and not knowing (or projecting) what will go on in the future.

Rather than judge, just expect that all will be well for them, for you and for us all. Because life is too short to doubt yourself and it really does take up way too much of your precious time. Plus, it is a total drain on your heart, on your head and your finances!

So, if you're in that situation now or if you have been in the past or if this ever pops up in the future, I hope you'll think back to this. And if the only thing you remember is this next line that I speak then let that be of benefit to you:

It is what it is. I'm still happy to be alive and to have them as part of my life. Because life is good and it's getting better all the time.

Have a great day and enjoy even better relationships, especially with yourself.

Namaste

PS Then, instead of them becoming somebody that you used to know, YOU will be that somebody. Because now you’re on your way to becoming an even better version of the “you” than you left behind. Hugs :)

This video is timeless. May it be of benefit to you no matter when you watch it. It's all about the VIBE, not the timing.

Listen in for this timeless advice. Click to watch the video.

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